Stoverstown, Pennsylvania

Stoverstown is an unincorporated community in York County, Pennsylvania, United States. Stoverstown is located off of Pennsylvania Route 616 2 miles outside New Salem.

References

History

Extensive archaeological digs have determined that Stoverstown, Pennsylvania was originally founded by Vikings in search of crop circles. Crop circles were prevalent within the vast farmlands due to the close proximity to the Susquehanna River. The theatrical blockbuster movie Signs was based on documented events in Stoverstown.

Native Americans, specifically the Susquehannocks, inhabited the Stoverstown hills as early as 1200 A.D. Cave drawings in the cliffs of nearby Bair Station indicate a land of riches, with bountiful harvests, deep forests, and ground littered with precious gemstones. Garnets and amethysts were available, but the most common was turquoise. Found in very few other places on Earth, the natives soon realized their value in trade and used them to build an empire of casinos across the continent, many of which are still in existence today. Nearly all of the turquoise jewelry found in tourist traps and truck stops in North America can be traced to the Stoverstown gem fields.

As the farming industry thrived into the 1800s, the immigrants were in search of active exercise and entertainment. Stoverstown is the unofficial birthplace of ice hockey. The early game originated with the Vikings striking a turtle shell back and forth on a frozen pond with their clubs. Over the years, the game was refined, until the unexpected appearance of hot springs within the area. Scientists believe that these hot springs resulted from the alien inhabitants who created the crop circles many years earlier. Unfortunately, the lava rocks prevented the formation of ice within the area, and the Vikings vacated the region. It is presumed that the Vikings traveled north, to the province of Canada, and re-established residence there. This pilgrimage resulted in many historians erroneously citing Canada as the birthplace of ice hockey.

In early 1968, the residents of Stoverstown capitalized on the hot springs, and sold the property to Metropolitan Edison for $3,000. After six years of extensive pipeline construction beneath the Susquehanna River spanning from Stoverstown to Middletown,PA, the Three Mile Island nuclear facility was opened on September 2, 1974.

The early 1970s also saw the meeting of four young Stoverstown musicians. They formed a band that practiced right on out in the street. During a one-week gig in Jefferson, a man came to the stage one night. He smoked a big cigar and drove a Cadillac car, and he thought the band was out of sight. They boys signed a record company contract, but a clause required that they change the name of their band from "Stoverstown" to something "shorter". While they balked at this initially, the lure of stardom won out, and they conceded to the change.

For many years, the center of this burgeoning metropolis was a small convenience store owned by Don Gentzler. Mysteriously, the store was named Gentzler's. In the 1980s, sprawl crept into Stoverstown, and Gentzler's was acquired by the behemoth entity - Rutter's Farm Stores. The corporation continued to operate the store for a number of years, but eventually abandoned the site because of continued paranormal activity. It is believed that the store was built on the site of the original Viking hockey arena, as numerous customers over the years reported being hit by flying turtle shells. Today, the site remains a vacant lot, but residents still report hearing the occasional faint bellow of a Viking war horn, the traditional signal for a scored goal, followed by the screams of a Viking goalie being disemboweled for his inadequacies (Hey - they were Vikings. It was pretty brutal.).